Midlife Crisis? Start a Social Sex Revolution.
One woman’s crusade to normalize talking about sex.
One woman’s crusade to normalize talking about sex.
The porn industry has always been an early adopter of technology. At the same time, the way technology rendered sex may have been far from reality. That is still the case.
Cindy Gallop, the founder/CEO of MakeLoveNotPorn, found this observation by accident in her early forties. As part of research for one of her clients at the time, an online dating service, she put her profile on that service as a single, career-driven woman seeking men.
A little context: Cindy had spent the previous 20 or so years as an advertising executive and a very successful one at that. By this point, she was running the US branch of BBH, a highly respected creative agency with multiple global offices with multiple global clients such as Levi’s, Audi, British Airways, and Toshiba.
When she posted her dating profile online, she received overwhelming interest. As an experienced, successful, single woman with good money, Cindy was every young man’s fantasy of New York City. This led her to discover an opportunity—and a business idea—that she could spend the rest of her life on.
This conversation with her about the second act of her career provided useful takeaways for managing one’s career, particularly the second half:
1. How to prepare for a midlife crisis? Save money.
I didn’t think I would have a midlife crisis. And even as I was having it, I was in denial. As I entered my late thirties and early forties, I also realized that it was very common for people in their midlife to not know what they want.
What is most empowering but also most prohibitive is money. As you get older, you start collecting things: family, mortgage, lifestyle, all of which cost money. Cindy had earned the freedom to be able to quit her two-decade career to figure out her next journey.
In my case, I knew I wanted to start my own company at some point. One piece of advice that I had gotten prior was this: “Rei, start saving.”
This was from Glenn Cole, one of the founders of 72andsunny, a very successful creative agency. “Once you are on your own, you may have to go months without getting paid. Make sure you have enough money in your savings to be able to support yourself and your family.”
2. Find your calling first. Then develop your conviction.
What is common in these conversations I have with various creative top runners is that they first find their calling early in their careers. In Cindy’s case, it was account management in advertising.
She quit her career in advertising in her early forties without knowing what she was going to do next. It’s clear, though, that her earlier experience helped lay the foundation for her conviction in what she does now.
It was through her work in advertising that she came across the observation about sexual behaviors—particularly of young men—that made her realize that technology, specifically online porn, wasn’t rendering real-world sex appropriately. It was then her travels to Japan that gave her a stronger sense that there was something in this idea of “Porn vs. Real Sex.” These various encounters led her to develop her conviction in the subject of her next venture.
It’s okay for you not to have that conviction on Day 1 or even on Day 100. It may take time but it’s important to build a conviction that could be the center of your work.
3. If you want to find happiness, design your own system.
This is perhaps easier said than done. But when you can overcome the fear of venturing into the unknown and have the willingness to at least give it a try, it opens up opportunities you’ve never dreamed of.
Speaking of fear, Cindy says that it’s not that she doesn’t have fear.
“It’s not the absence of fear. It’s the presence of values. That’s what matters.”
Cindy didn’t know what she wanted to do after more than two decades in one industry. She didn’t start her current venture until well into her forties. She faced numerous obstacles in raising funds for her venture. I’m sure she had plenty of fear of facing uncertainties for her business. Yet, she’s as confident and as convinced as ever that she needs to do this. And that’s because she has clear values that help her cultivate a way forward.
Please listen to this episode “One Woman’s Crusade to Normalize Talking about Sex” on the Creative Mindset podcast [ Apple Podcast | Spotify ] for a more colorful version of this story.